Too Fast

As I sit here holding my baby girl while she sleeps, I am finding myself so emotional! She will be 4 weeks old tomorrow and a month old on Sunday...it is going too fast!!!!!

First trip to Mimi's house!

Today Jocelyn took her first trip to Mimi's house. I am sure it will be one of a million, but it felt so good to be there as a family of 4! My mom's house was the last place I was "preggo" so it was kind of funny thinking about how I was last Friday versus how I felt there today. I am sad pregnancy is something I am completely done with, though I am definitely done. I couldn't go through another 9 months like hat I just had....

Why My Two Girls Are Miracles

To really explain this, I need to go back to 2005. That November, I began having major problems with my asthma. I was hospitalized for days, given many different rounds of asthma medication and sent home. That February, I was admitted again....this time the issues with my asthma was from "whooping cough", even though I have been inoculated against it. I had started to feel better and Peter and I decided it would be a good time for me to stop the birth control I was on and that summer, we were going to try and start a family. In May, a trip to MGH to see a asthma specialist revealed that though I did in fact have a variant of a severe asthma, the issue was that my lungs were full of blood clots. They wheeled me from that appointment directly to the ER admitted me. I was "lucky to be alive" I was told and was not allowed to move - as any movement could cause a clot to dislodge and kill me. A few days later, I awoke in my hospital bed to a TEAM of doctors standing all the way around my bed. They began shooting questions at me and one of them said, "why did you stop taking your birth control?" I explained our desire to start a family and they all just looked at each other. One man finally spoke up and said, "You can discuss that with your asthma doctor at your six week follow-up." I knew then that something was wrong. Six weeks later, I was told that the estrogen that is in birth control, combined with a missing factor in my blood caused the blood clots. I sat there alone as they explained what that meant...the estrogen in birth control mimics the estrogen level you have when you are pregnant. Then I heard the worst sentence I had ever heard...."if you were to ever get pregnant, you will kill your unborn child."

Many months later, I spoke with a high risk pregnancy doctor. They had me see a hematologist and the two of them decided that as long as I was monitored during pregnancy and used some blood thinners after pregnancy, I could in fact get pregnant. Hopefully.

March 4th, 2008 after a very easy pregnancy, but a very long labor and delivery, Sophia Elizabeth Coleman was brought into the world. She changed our lives in a million different ways and every time she makes us laugh or says something sweet, my husband and I know that had we got pregnant when we wanted, Sophia would not be here today. God's plan was bigger than that of the doctors and I can't wait to see what He does in her life.

Fast forward to September 2011. I am pregnant, yet again, after many many months of trying to conceive with no success. We were just about to give up when I found out I was pregnant. Unfortunately, 6 weeks later I began to bleed. After a few appointments, I was told they thought I was still pregnant. It they didn't know for sure....my hormone levels were coming back as not pregnant. Miraculously baby continued to grow and I did not lose the pregnancy. In January, the same thing happened again and I thought for sure I would be put on bed rest. Again, baby came through and all was okay. The bad news came at my 20 week appointment and ultrasound. Peter and I were so excited to go in to the ultrasound together to find out if we were having a boy or a girl. We found out that the baby was a girl. But then things changed in the room. The tech was not saying much and she told me not to move while she got a doctor. The doctor came in and looked at the baby and proceeded to tell Peter and I that the baby had a cyst in her brain. We asked what that meant and she told us that the baby could have Trisomy 13. If that was true, she wouldn't live more than a week in our world. It was the worst news we could have heard. The only way to know for sure was to wait....until 36 weeks pregnant to see if it dissolved. Wait. The worst possible word. So from week 20 to week 36, we prayed. A million times a day. I spent the first week crying. Then I realized only God could change things. So I prayed and sang and found quite a few worship songs that became a daily prayer. Around the middle of April, more complications....my heart rate was as fast as the baby's. Almost 3 times what it should be. I was told I may not make it to the end, that I might have to stop working, etc. Again, we prayed. I made it to my 36 week ultrasound and baby girl was healthy!!!! Thank you God.

Life As I Know It Has Changed

Well, last Friday, June 1st, my life, as I knew it then, officially changed forever. Jocelyn Danielle Coleman was born at 10:27pm that night. She came in to the world and as I held her for the first time, I knew God had blessed me in ways no one could ever understand. The desires of my heart were completed - I had married my best friend, whom I love more than anything else, and I had 2 precious little girls....both of whom should not be alive today if doctors were more knowing than God...